How can I?

Why does it seem like the words that are pouring out of my heart, the burdens I'm feeling, when I look back, why does it seem fake?

Lord, I know that these feeling are real. They're genuine. Yet, why do I keep thinking that they're not. I need help, and I know it. There are so many people that are here to support me. So many shoulders to cry. How many is enough? I only need one shoulder! And that's Your's.

God, I feel so discouraged about everything. What am I doing wrong? Am I doing something wrong? I don't know...

But Lord, I'm thankful that you still love me, comfort me, that you still forgave me. I'm thankful for my brothers and sisters in Christ. I thank You for giving me such lovely people. I thank You for the support they give to me. The love that they give. I'm so undeserving of it all, yet You, the gracious one, still gave.

I've been lost for too long. Lost in my observations, and in the end, I judge myself. I'm unable to understand things. Lord, You're not like that. You work through us even when we don't know it. God, I'm so sorry for the way I've been. For being so observant, for feeling so discouraged.

I'm sorry.

;

Lord, it's just so hard to please everyone and to make everyone happy.
But you should be the only one that I please.
You're the only one that I should praise, the only one that I should love.

There's this big wall that I'm trying to build between myself and the world.
It's so hard to contain my feelings in a jar yet so easy for me to only leave myself with feelings of awe towards you, Lord.
And it's even harder when the world wants me to do this and that. To obtain the perfect career, job, occupation.
Lord, none of these I want, for I know You will create the perfect future for me.
Though I may struggle to complete my careers homework, I know that you have it all planned out for me, and I will not complain when you place it into my life.

But Lord, show me which path to walk, which path that would lead me to glorify You only, the path in which others can see Your light in me. The path that sets me apart from this world. And Lord, I know only You are capable of doing this. Though this is the life You've given me, even I can't do it, but You can, for You are almighty, for You are so powerful. You who conquered death. You are my Lord, and I will forever be your's.

I thank you for the many friends I have. The many friends that kept me laughing, crying, thinking, and accountable. I thank you for what You've provided for my family, for my friends, for this community 'cause Lord, You are a God that provides.

Fear

Lord, I feel like I'm all alone. The only light in my school.
I'm scared, scared of being judged. Scared of losing those dear to my heart. Scared to see those fall away from you, those who reject you.

Yet you've said,

"If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters - yes, even his own life - he cannot be my disciple." - Luke 14:26 (NIV)

How can I call myself your disciple if I love them more than you? Though Lord, you have called me to love those that are dear to me yet hate me, those who will judge me, hurt me, persecute me, I know you are with me.

"The LORD is with me; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?" - Psalm 118:6 (NIV)

They are far less stronger than you. What can man do to me?