Sickness... swings?

This month has been like hell to me. Except hell is probably a lot warmer and not as pleasant?

Anyway, I've been getting sick so often, it's actually starting to concern me. I don't think there was a week (This month) that had me going for a full week. I'm always missing at least one class. The doctor doesn't know why I'm always sick but it's probably because I'm always stressed out that I'm getting these crazy migraines and sinus stuff. Then he said that there's probably nothing wrong with me.

Especially after our fellowship's "Fast for Japan night", I've been thinking to myself the question, "Do I depend on God enough?", "Do I only depend on Him when I'm in need?", "Do I even depend on Him?" I'd normally like to say, "Yes, I do depend on Him when I'm in need or not in need." Or, "My eyes are always fixed on God." But I guess after being sick for this long, it's sorta been like, "Do I really have my eyes fixed on God?" Or perhaps more like, "I think I only depend on God when I'm not in need, when I don't need help." Which is totally weird in my opinion 'cause normally, wouldn't someone want someone's help if they're in need of something?

I need to surrender my everything to God. I thought I've already done so, but I thought wrong. Or maybe I did surrender something to God, but that's not enough.

I also need to run the race and endure. I've been struggling with endurance for a while now. But when I need help, shouldn't I been running with my eyes fixed on God? Running towards the great finish line? Knowing that the prize is good that I want to continue the race? Isn't that perseverance? My mentor challenged me to memorize a verse that I've been trying to memorize. To be honest, it was really, really hard. The verse was too long but this verse has always been in my heart and now that I have it memorized, I can easily think of it without whipping out my bible!

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be perfect and complete, not lacking anything." - James 1:2-4