How can I?

Why does it seem like the words that are pouring out of my heart, the burdens I'm feeling, when I look back, why does it seem fake?

Lord, I know that these feeling are real. They're genuine. Yet, why do I keep thinking that they're not. I need help, and I know it. There are so many people that are here to support me. So many shoulders to cry. How many is enough? I only need one shoulder! And that's Your's.

God, I feel so discouraged about everything. What am I doing wrong? Am I doing something wrong? I don't know...

But Lord, I'm thankful that you still love me, comfort me, that you still forgave me. I'm thankful for my brothers and sisters in Christ. I thank You for giving me such lovely people. I thank You for the support they give to me. The love that they give. I'm so undeserving of it all, yet You, the gracious one, still gave.

I've been lost for too long. Lost in my observations, and in the end, I judge myself. I'm unable to understand things. Lord, You're not like that. You work through us even when we don't know it. God, I'm so sorry for the way I've been. For being so observant, for feeling so discouraged.

I'm sorry.